The Mango Lassie

How many guys does it take to make a good burger? Apparently more (or less) than five—at least that’s what the burgers at the Park Slope outpost of the cult chain Five Guys Burgers and Fries suggest. Two thin, dry hockey-puck-like patties come stacked on an unremarkable bun. The free toppings—including jalapeños, A-1 Sauce and grilled mushrooms and onions, to name a few—are the only plus. Fries are flabby and flavorless, lacking all crisp. Empanada Boy and I ordered the spicy Cajun ones, which were just the same fries doused with a dusty heap of cayenne pepper. They didn’t redeem this restaurant.

So why do people (such as my editor, Noodles, mentioned in last week’s post) like this place so much? Perhaps it’s the free toppings, or the free peanuts they give you while you wait. Or maybe it’s that people are comparing it to McDonald’s, which it obviously surpasses. I’m just not sure how to explain the phenomenon. Since EB and I moved to Park Slope at the beginning of January, we’ve already had time to try Five Guys, reject it as overrated and identify a far superior burger at a place up the street called Flipster’s.

The name Flipster’s admittedly leaves something to be desired. (The website says it’s a reference to the Brooklyn hipsters who flip the burgers, but I noticed no skinny jeans or horn rims behind the grill.) But EB and I were very pleasantly surprised when we stopped in at Flipster’s after signing our lease. It’s a pretty standard looking bar and grill with dark wooden furniture and a TV playing sports. The menu has items like chicken sandwiches and popcorn shrimp, but burgers are the clear focus. These range from the most basic option to Kobe beef burgers, bison and lamb burgers and even a pizza burger with marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese (might be gross, might be good).

I ordered the plain burger, which I believe is the true test of greatness because it highlights the most important ingredient: the meat. It came with lettuce, tomato, onions, mustard and ketchup. EB ordered the Brooklyn Flipster Burger with bacon, mozzarella and caramelized onion. Both patties were obviously hand-formed and nicely charred on the outside. Biting into them revealed the pretty pinkish hue of the meat, medium-rare as requested. The meat was flavorful, fresh and juicy and had obviously never been frozen. It was a far cry from the chewy shriveled disks at Five Guys. EB’s bacon was crispy and delicious. The cheese added chew. Still, I don’t think a good burger needs these accessories, and I was completely content here without them.

Lastly, I cannot fail to mention the superior fries at Flipster’s. They are waffle-cut, offering a greater fried surface-area-to-volume ratio. These were crispy and evenly spiced with a blend of seasonings. Five Guys may give double the number of fries (a huge paper bag full) in its large order, but who wants to eat double the number of limp, flavorless potato sticks? Flipster’s wins this round too, hands down.

P.S. EB has been back to Flipster’s once since our first visit. He was offered a frequent burger card with his check. As much as we liked Flipster’s, we think this could set a dangerous precedent. That’s one club we won’t be joining.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries
284 7th Ave.
Brooklyn, NY 11215
718.499.9380

Flipster’s
444 9th St.
Brooklyn, NY 11215
718.832.5500

Empanada Boy and I are moving to Brooklyn in January. We don’t know where we’re moving, mind you, but we know we’ll be going to that borough. After a year in Mahattan, we are ready to move to a neighborhood that’s more our speed and one that’s not an hour’s subway ride from the majority of our friends. In search of the right neighborhood, we set off on Saturday on a walking tour through Prospect Heights, Gowanus, South Slope, Windsor Terrace and Greenwood Heights. We walked for miles, through light rain at times. As we walked up to the Prospect Park F Train Station at 15th Street, it started to pour. I spotted a tiny Vietnamese cafe called Henry’s. It didn’t take much to convince EB we needed a lunch break.

As the rain started coming down harder, we went up to the counter in the closet-like restaurant and ordered a classic banh mi and an almond bubble tea from one of the red-shirted servers. The classic is made with pate, Vietnamese ham and roasted ground pork with a tangy carrot and radish slaw served on a toasted French baguette. The bahn mi is an amazing amalgam of Vietnamese and French flavors—the bun is even buttered as the French do with their sandwiches—reflecting the history of French colonization in Vietnam. We split the sandwich, and I was glad we did because it was rich and packed with deep, satisfying pork flavor. The ground pork gave it extra crunch, while the layer of pate added foundation. But my favorite element was definitely the vegetables, which were seasoned with the same vinaigrette you find on a green papaya salad.

Unfortunately, the bubble tea was a poor choice, flavorwise. It tasted like pure almond extract blended with some milk. This may well be what it actually was. I couldn’t stand the taste of it, but EB successfully managed to fish out the tapioca balls.

As soon as the rain cleared up a bit, we continued on our tour by about 6 pm, we were totally exhausted. We took the train to Vladimir Pudding’s house in Boerum Hill and crashed wearily onto his couch. After a few drinks, we called Basedrum Crumb and invited him to come from Park Slope to meet us for dinner. (We had been planning to meet somewhere in the middle, but EB and I were too tired/lazy to walk.)

Instead, we walked down the street to a New Orleans-style bar and cafe called Stan’s Place. We had Abita beers (made in New Orleans) and three out of four of us ordered po’ boys. EB got catfish; Crumb got fried shrimp. Still in the mood for sandwiches, and having just finished reading a New York Times article on the dying art of the New Orleans po’ boy, I ordered the fried oyster po’ boy.

Like bahn mi, po’ boys owe some of their influences to French colonizers, in this case those who occupied the Louisiana Delta. They are made on the same baguettes and are sometimes also smeared with pate and filled with lettuce. After reading the article, I was looking forward to that crisp bread with a chewy interior. Unfortunately, the po’ boy at Stan’s didn’t live up to the ideal flavors and textures I had envisioned. The chew was lacking, as was the kick. The sandwich was also a steep $12. The oysters were tasty, though, and the crispy potatoes on the side were delicious. Probably the best thing we ate at Stan’s came before the sandwich: a spicy grilled andouille sausage appetizer with a soft homemade biscuit.

We still don’t know which neighborhood we’re moving to, but it’s clear that coming to Brooklyn will open up a whole new array of food options to explore. I’m looking forward to sampling the flavors of our new neighborhood.

Henry’s
433 7th Ave. (at 15th St.)
Brooklyn, NY 11215
718.788.8882

Stan’s Place
411 Atlantic Ave
Brooklyn, NY 11217
718.596.3110

Empanada Boy is now on a diet. I know, I know, it crushes me too when a man who loves food so much has to be reigned in. It’s not as if he’s had to punch new holes in his belt or anything, but we both agree that he could trim up a bit if he’s going to look like a young Paul Newman for the wedding. I also want to be sure he lives a long and healthy life with me. EB has done a fantastic job of sticking to his diet during his first week. He’s kept to his calorie limit every day and has even turned down birthday cake and beer. He’s riding the stationary bike as I write this. We both agree it’s for the best, but I can’t help thinking that this is something like the end of an era. What was the tipping point? The answer can be found somewhere in the depths of the fryer at Chip Shop.

Chip Shop is a British-themed fish and chips joint in Park Slope, Brooklyn. EB used to frequent it when he lived in the neighborhood, and he had been looking forward to dinner there months before we came to New York. We rounded up Vladimir Pudding and EB’s former roommate Bassdrum Crumb to join us. Chip Shop specializes in one mode of cooking: frying. A deep-fried pizza even appears on its menu. I was content with fish and chips, but the frying possibilities were too tempting for EB. He ordered a meal, which comes with a side, fish and chips and dessert. He started with a lovely ball of deep fried mac ‘n cheese (pictured above). It was actually pretty disgusting— just as lumpy, heavy and goopy as it looks. EB’s next course was the cod fish and chips. The fish was tender, but batter on these was too bready and lacked the fine crispiness I was expecting. The fries were decent, but not remarkable.

As if all that weren’t enough, EB’s dessert was a Twinkie cut in half and deep-fried into two calorie-laden packets. Fittingly, they looked like empanadas dusted with powdered sugar. One bite revealed a gooey, fake creamy interior that could only be one thing. The fruit compote that came on the side may have been one of the only sources of nutrients in the entire meal. As that meal came to an end, the seeds of regret and self-doubt were planted in his mind. Empanada Boy was disappointed in the diminished quality of the food, acknowledging that it probably wasn’t worth the calories. It was a Chip Shop epiphany. And it wasn’t long before the diet began. I may not have exactly the same Empanada Boy when it’s all said and done, but I’ll have a trimmer, more studly guy standing next to me on wedding day.

Chip Shop (another location in Brooklyn Heights)
383 Fifth Ave.
Brooklyn, NY 11215
718.832.7701