The Mango Lassie

There are some restaurants, bars and clubs frequented by gay men or lesbians that make straight people feel a little intimidated I’m not complaining about these places— they have a right to exist, and I welcome them. Being straight, I just tend to avoid them.

From the face of it, Hamburger Mary’s might seem to be one such place. It’s a nouveau diner concept that started in San Francisco in 1972. The idea basically amounts to big hamburgers with strong gay cultural undertones (if you could call them that). Waiters (Or should we call them waitresses?) are often dressed in wild or lavish costumes and service is dramatic, amounting to what the company refers to as “a flamboyant dining experience.” But both times I’ve been to the Chicago location in the city’s latest gay stomping ground of Andersonville, I’ve felt completely comfortable. This is a place that celebrates being gay while also welcoming all open-minded people.

Empanada Boy and I love hamburgers, but have determined that we can’t eat them too often for the sake of our waistlines. When we feel we deserve a special treat, there is nothing more satisfying that one of these massive burgers.

It was bitterly cold when we went there a few weeks ago, but the restaurant was alive and hopping. We were lucky to get a table. We were both feeling too chilled for cold beer or cocktails, so Empanada Boy ordered glögg, a Swedish mulled wine, which is served during the winter in many Andersonville restaurants as a tribute to the neighborhood’s heritage.

Then it was time to get down to the real business at hand: the burgers. The offerings here are not your average burger. Firstly, they are all at least half a pound with the “Proud Mary Burger” coming in at a whopping three quarters of a pound. Secondly, most of these are dolled up in a way that makes them distinctive from the average burger, a fact reflected in their pop-culture reference names. Finally, they all come with a large knife stabbed into the top.

My burger was called “Buffy (the Hamburger Slayer).” It is a massive half-pound affair, and the meat is cooked in red wine (blood) and smothered in a heady garlic (to kill vampires) aioli. Next came a slice of Swiss cheese. It was enough to kill any vampire, but it hit the spot for a lover of strong, pungent flavors like me. I got a side of crispy French fries too, but I couldn’t eat all of them in addition to the burger. I know it’s not really in the spirit of burger joints, but I may order a salad in the future to lighten things up a bit. Mary’s does use nice ingredients for all its vegetable dishes.

Empanada Boy ordered “The Big Kahuna Burger” where the patty is marinated in terriyaki sauce and topped with grilled pineapple slices, cheddar cheese and a creamy dressing. I liked the sweet touch of the pineapple, but I could have done without the dressing and cheese. One or the other would have sufficed. A connoisseur of all things fried, EB also ordered the onion rings. I find most of these to be a disappointment because the fried always peels away from the onion, leaving a soggy mess. These had some of that and could have been a little crispier, but were better than the norm.

There is a dessert menu here, which includes items like a deep fried twinkie, sundaes, and an apple brown betty. After devouring these two enormous sandwiches, however, it was almost impossible for us to stand, let alone eat more. We asked for the check, and it came in a red high-heel shoe, perhaps from the collection of Mary herself. Either way, there’s no doubt she would have approved.

Hamburger Mary’s
5400 N. Clark St.
Chicago, IL 60640
773.784.6969